Hardly worth writing about - Day 6

This hasn't been a very inspiring or exciting week so far. I'm having my usual problem with sustaining my motivation. I did get out of the house this morning and took Timmy and Pancho to the dog park. I got home around noon and have been piddling around, sometimes just pacing around the room, for most of the afternoon. I sat in the sun for awhile, but haven't really done anything else worth mentioning (as if THAT was worth mentioning).

I had one thought that SHOULD help me get over J., if I would just WANT to get over him. And that is that even if he and I had a perfect relationship, my life much of the time would look just like today. Alone. He often tried to hammer that home to me, and I just brushed it aside, the fact that half my time in a relationship with him would be WITHOUT him. And I'm not the kind of person that would deal well with all that waiting on a regular basis. I'm not "needy" but if I'm in a relationship, I don't want to be alone, either.

I often complain that I don't have time to do this or that thing. Then something like this happens and suddenly an entire weekend yawning before me seems like something I can't possibly tolerate on my own. Prior to J., I would've accomplished great things during a weekend, or not, and it wouldn't have mattered a lot. Now I feel like an absolute failure if I don't have some project or chore to occupy my every minute, or the motivation to do it.

I probably seem a little schizoid in these recent postings, my mood and attitude about this thing changes from minute to minute sometimes. I'm not lying in bed crying all day, but I haven't exactly been the "new me" that I aspired to just a few days ago.